Getting together with my family is proving harder and harder every day. What I need to do is totally break ties. What is keeping me from doing this is personal and I don't want to divulge it. I don't get along with my birth mother, the egg donor. This is going to be very short. I don't feel like writing and spilling at the m,oment. All I have to say is the woman needs help desperately.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
When Does School Start?
I have been counting the weeks before school begins again. Matthew is getting on my nerves. I know that I should do more with him, but I just can't. I'm not really mad and angry at Matthew. Who I'm angry at is myself and John. I'm angry at myself because I made another stupid idiotic mistake. Marrying John was the mistake;having Matthew wasn't a mistake. There were so many RED flags in that relationship. I placed blinders on and chose to walk through life, oblivious to what was staring me in the face.
John is very messy. He would rather eat McDonald's that home cooked food. He grew up seeing his mother and sisters controlled by his father. He can deny it all he wants but that has a profound impact on a young boy. His parents were predeceased before we married. I never was able to meet either of them. I often wonder what their reaction to me would have been. His mother, Priscilla, and I might get along. His father, Robert, and I would not. The one thing I can almost guarantee is that his father would have told him to end his relationship with me because I was too strong, too forceful, too outspoken. John would have been caught in his father's cross hairs. He would have had to make a major choice. A decision that would impact his relationship with his father for a lifetime. The answer would be would he make the choice he wants or what he was instructed to make?
Getting back to Matthew, he seems to want to be his father's clone. I have tried, unsuccessfully, to get Matthew to be his own person. I want him to be independent, self-sufficient, and capable of his own decision making. His paternal grandfather would be proud that his son sired a son. All I want to know is:When Does School Start?
John is very messy. He would rather eat McDonald's that home cooked food. He grew up seeing his mother and sisters controlled by his father. He can deny it all he wants but that has a profound impact on a young boy. His parents were predeceased before we married. I never was able to meet either of them. I often wonder what their reaction to me would have been. His mother, Priscilla, and I might get along. His father, Robert, and I would not. The one thing I can almost guarantee is that his father would have told him to end his relationship with me because I was too strong, too forceful, too outspoken. John would have been caught in his father's cross hairs. He would have had to make a major choice. A decision that would impact his relationship with his father for a lifetime. The answer would be would he make the choice he wants or what he was instructed to make?
Getting back to Matthew, he seems to want to be his father's clone. I have tried, unsuccessfully, to get Matthew to be his own person. I want him to be independent, self-sufficient, and capable of his own decision making. His paternal grandfather would be proud that his son sired a son. All I want to know is:When Does School Start?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
A new Curve in the Road
I've made a nmew curve in the road for myself. I have chosen to add a new blog to my list of things to do. This blog, however, will be dedicated to my muse returning and my writing getting back to it normal speed.
Writing in Whispers will be used and written for the progress of my book Shattered Truths. This is a book that I have literally abandoned. I still have it in my portfolio at Writing.com. If there is a way for me to import what I've already written regarding the book, I would. Then I would be able to receive comments and suggestions regarding my writing. What I really want to know is: Am I good enough to be published or am I just wasting my time?
Writing in Whispers will also include short stories that I may or may not submit for publication. One of my ultimate goals on my "bucket list" is to be a published author. That, for me, would be a dream come true. I would prove, yet again, that I have exceeded others' expectations.
Writing in Whispers will be used and written for the progress of my book Shattered Truths. This is a book that I have literally abandoned. I still have it in my portfolio at Writing.com. If there is a way for me to import what I've already written regarding the book, I would. Then I would be able to receive comments and suggestions regarding my writing. What I really want to know is: Am I good enough to be published or am I just wasting my time?
Writing in Whispers will also include short stories that I may or may not submit for publication. One of my ultimate goals on my "bucket list" is to be a published author. That, for me, would be a dream come true. I would prove, yet again, that I have exceeded others' expectations.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Emotions Rising
The day has not gone well. Laurie called me last night and her mother's health is going downhill very fast. She asked me to pray that God would take her home soon. I can feel for Laurie. She is my best freiend and has been foir the past thirty-five years. She was adopted by her parents as was her older sister. IF her mother does pass away, there is no way I can be there for her physically to help her through her grief. I do0 not want to be disloyal.
I was watching an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. It seems that now that I am in my late forties, I am more into the show now. I have a great deal of feelings that I need to settle with my parets. They do not want to settle anything and would rather keep everything shoved under "the rug". It is a wonder that they have not tripped over those imaginary piles and broke something. They are not exactly young people anymore. One would think that they would want to clear all their "accounts" and settle everything before they are no longer around. They do not seem to have a desire to do this. IT is a shame-for them. I, on the other hand, wnat to get things out into the light. I want to know the truth. I guess in order to deal with these issues, I will have to get my book out of the mothballs and continue writing. Although the book is a piece of fiction, it does have a string of truth to it.
I feel the only people that would give me what I am looking for-what I need is the two peopoe who started this ride and I need the to come to a screetching halt-without my head going through the windshield. I am so damn frustrated.
I was watching an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. It seems that now that I am in my late forties, I am more into the show now. I have a great deal of feelings that I need to settle with my parets. They do not want to settle anything and would rather keep everything shoved under "the rug". It is a wonder that they have not tripped over those imaginary piles and broke something. They are not exactly young people anymore. One would think that they would want to clear all their "accounts" and settle everything before they are no longer around. They do not seem to have a desire to do this. IT is a shame-for them. I, on the other hand, wnat to get things out into the light. I want to know the truth. I guess in order to deal with these issues, I will have to get my book out of the mothballs and continue writing. Although the book is a piece of fiction, it does have a string of truth to it.
I feel the only people that would give me what I am looking for-what I need is the two peopoe who started this ride and I need the to come to a screetching halt-without my head going through the windshield. I am so damn frustrated.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The Long Winding Road
The Long Winding Road
The Long Winding Road
has many twists and turns.
When each curve is approached,
There are many lessons to be learned.
Life, like a road, has several a surprise.
If you want to see them,
Open your eyes.
Life throws many a curve
Just like a game
If you miss the ball,
You're the one to blame.
The Long Winding Road
can be full of holes and cracks
To avoid these hazards
One has to strengthen what they lack.
The Long Winding Road
has many twists and turns.
When each curve is approached,
There are many lessons to be learned.
Life, like a road, has several a surprise.
If you want to see them,
Open your eyes.
Life throws many a curve
Just like a game
If you miss the ball,
You're the one to blame.
The Long Winding Road
can be full of holes and cracks
To avoid these hazards
One has to strengthen what they lack.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Middle of Summer
I can't believe it is the middle of summer. This year is going by too fast. John, Matthew, and Shadow just returned from their annual two week camping trip. For me, it was two weeks wasted. I should have been writing, but instead I found myself playing on Facebook. I should have spent the time writing. I was going to have one or a few all-nighters, but those never came to pass.
The last two weeks have been absorbed by the deaths of several celebrities. Farrah Fawcett, Ed MacMahon, Gail Storm, Fred Travalena, Michael Jackson, and finally Billy Mays. Michael Jackson overshadowed everyone. Actions do speak louder than words. Who really mattered to the general public. All of these people made a name for themselves, but Michael Jackson seemed to climb to the top of the hill. Is this fair? That is for the individual to decide. Mcihael Jackson had a televised memorial servioce that was on all television stations and several radio stations. Was this afforded to the other celebrities? Why were they less important? They weren't. It could be that the families of the other celebrities did not want a public outpouring. Or maybe the public did not feel as close to these celebrities. Nobody will know the answer. This is just my viewpoint.
The last two weeks have been absorbed by the deaths of several celebrities. Farrah Fawcett, Ed MacMahon, Gail Storm, Fred Travalena, Michael Jackson, and finally Billy Mays. Michael Jackson overshadowed everyone. Actions do speak louder than words. Who really mattered to the general public. All of these people made a name for themselves, but Michael Jackson seemed to climb to the top of the hill. Is this fair? That is for the individual to decide. Mcihael Jackson had a televised memorial servioce that was on all television stations and several radio stations. Was this afforded to the other celebrities? Why were they less important? They weren't. It could be that the families of the other celebrities did not want a public outpouring. Or maybe the public did not feel as close to these celebrities. Nobody will know the answer. This is just my viewpoint.
Friday, July 3, 2009
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